Intersectionality

I was in church with my family every weekend (and often times many week days) since i was conscious until I was 14-15 yrs old. I was in choir, I was a praise dancer, I was an usher. I was envious of everyone who caught the holy ghost, and when I went to Oklahoma I felt really at home there in church. (it’s on the bible belt). It’s actually a really great state, and they have Bible man action figures. It was so cool to see religious cartoons and toys.

I never wanted to have sex with boys, and I figured out how to make evolution make sense with the creation “myth” (its pretty pretentious to call it a myth). I always worked really hard in school, and I wore what ever my mom told me to wear.

I identified really strongly with being a good girl. 

When I realized i was attracted to women (ironically around the same time I stopped going to church), I was like “oh, fuck”. 

At that point i had internalized all sexuality as perverse, but when I really looked into my heart to find what truly aroused me, I found myself very perturbed.

I don’t want to be a pervert.

Now that I’m 21 years old, and 2 years admittedly a lesbian, I can’t tell if I still have this saint complex, and repressed sexuality. My xgf was like that, because she was convinced it was a sin to be who we are. I am really attracted to women of God… and there are some things about my desire for women that I am ashamed to admit. I need a girl who understands how hard it is to have been raised in the church, and how much that is still a part of me.

All my life I’ve tried to be a saint. And I still do. I want to do God’s work. I want to be a good person. And It’s hard for me to imagine that embracing lesbian sex is necessary.

I hope someone can relate.

-Intersectionality